Hello

Hello online world. This is my first post in this new life diary of mine. I feel like I should have started this a long time ago but I just haven't had the courage to do so. I guess I'll start in the beginning of my downfall in life.

My name is Susana. I'm a separated mother of 4 and one on the way. My husband left me in March of last year. Two weeks later I found out I was pregnant with my fourth child. We'd been married for 12 years. I did everything for this man. I still don't understand what I did wrong.

Clemente (my husbands name) and I met in January of 1998 while I was on vacation in Mexico. We dated a very short 6 weeks when we decided to elope. He was a very different man back then and I thought I had found the perfect person for me. My Prince Charming, my other true half. Needless to say my parents were not very happy with my decision at first but they, being so supportive, helped us out with everything. They paid for all the expenses to help Clemente move to the United States with me. They even let us live with them expense free for several years until we were able to make it on our own.

We were relatively happy. I mean, we had our normal marital problems like anyone else. However, we tried working through them. Or so I thought we did. One of our most common re-occurring problem was disciplining our children. I had grown up in a very strict household. My parents rarely took the time to sit down and talk to me or even say, "I love you". When I had my children, I promised myself to be different. I promised to have patience and always always say, "I love you". Clemente was raised different. According to him, his family was always very loving and patient. Our parenting problems were that he was very impatient with our children. He was very short tempered with them. He would never allow any type of mess made by them at the house. He would never ask anything of them in a nice or courteous manner. There was always yelling right from the beginning. He even started making up names for them that made them feel shameful. I would always try to talk to Clemente about this and using different ways to approach them. To have patience. Reminding him that our kids were still young kids and needed constant reminders to do things. However, he always considered it as under minding him and his disciplining approach. Due to Clemente's actions with the kids, they were always very fearful of him. Many times they felt he didn't even love them. He was like my parents and would rarely even say, "I love you". I'm not going to say that there weren't any times when I wouldn't get upset with my children. However, I would always take the time to explain my actions and remind them that I loved them.

Our second biggest problem was, according to Clemente, my family. My parents don't speak or read English fluently. I have always been their interpreter. I've helped many others with this special need as well. Clemente despised it when my parents would ask me to help them. Even after everything they had done for us, he felt we owed them nothing and for them to ask for any type of help what so ever was just hateful. But, if Clemente needed something from me, it was to be done as soon as possible if not sooner.